Sunday, August 28, 2011

Cliques: It’s not that I don’t belong anywhere; It’s just that I belong everywhere


Definition for Cliques: A small exclusive group of people. I go to a small public school. We are ranked 162 in the nation. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because we have so many cliques. I wouldn’t call all of them cliques, but we have a lot of groups and differences at our school. Yet no one can accept all those differences. We have:

1. The Jocks – The gifted athletic kids
2. The Sport Teams – Knowing friends through sport teams
3. The Preps – The girls who dress perfect every day, there make-up is perfect, and their hair is pretty
4. The Nerds – The smart kids who try SUPER hard in school and it’s very Important for them to get good grades
5. The Gothic’s – The kids who don’t say much, you can tell they have some anxiety, and wear dark clothing.
6. The Musical Kids – Love playing in band and/or orchestra.
7. The Artistic group – Photography, drawing, and artwork is their passion
8. The Drama Club – The kids who succeed in acting and musicals
9. The Druggies – Well, the kids who do drugs
10. The “Mean” Girls – Always gossiping about other kids, and are getting mad at their own friends 

I’m a jock. I’ve always been an athletic girl. I’m on a sport team--Field hockey. I can be preppy. I like to wear my best clothes, wear makeup, and style my hair. I’m a nerd. I try SUPER hard in school to get good grades. I’m Artistic. I love photography, and love artwork. I can also relate to the Gothic kids. I have anxiety over my Auditory Processing Disorder. So why do I feel like I’m only one going from group to group? Why do I feel like I am never fully in one specific group? Here are my reasons: 

1. All groups have drama.. Some groups more than others. I NEVER know what is going on when there’s drama in the air. I only try to figure it out because I want to be included in the conversations, and I want to well… Know what’s going on because everyone but ME knows. I’ve learned not to worry about it, but I find myself kind of parting from that group for a little bit when that happens. When there’s drama, that’s the only thing they will talk about for a while. 

2. I’m not the best at staying tuned to who is doing what, or who just said something really funny. Little things like that can go a long way for me. I get very frustrated with myself. I can literally feel myself trying the hardest I can, but when I still don’t understand, frustration swarms me. So… Not knowing things in conversations can give me nothing to say back. This makes me feel not completely “in” the group. 

3. My thinking speed is slower than most of my friends’ thinking speeds. This makes my friends say something before I can even think what I’m about to say. If I get asked a question, “Anna, what time is the football game at?” Most likely one of my friends will answer even though they were asking me specifically. They do this because they know the answer faster. Sometimes I don’t have a voice in certain situations. 

4. I find myself having a lot of different hobbies than my peers. A lot of kids only have a few things they like. Artistic kids at my school aren’t very athletic, so I can’t talk sports with them to keep conversation going. Preppy girls don’t know what anxiety is, so my personality is slightly different. Jocks at my school focus more on sports a lot more than they do their school work. I focus on school more, because well I have to. These differences and different hobbies can lead to conversation breakdowns, different personalities, and different activities being attended. 

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 A lot of my friends can recognize it, but they can’t put a name to it like I can…APD. There’s just a little gap of air between me and my peers. I’m not being excluded. That's not it. I'm there, but I’m just not fully there like everyone else is. I'm not like everyone else. It’s not that I don’t belong anywhere, It’s just that belong everywhere. =D

8 comments:

  1. Wow.
    Wow..
    WOW...
    This was so enlightening. My daughter is 8 and has CAPD. I'm not the best mom. She needs me to be more understanding and with this simple blog post, I think I get it. I can't thank you enough for putting into words what she can't. I want to cry.

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  2. Delia,

    Thank-you so much for the feedback! I am so glad this is a help for you. You are very blessed to find out your daughter has CAPD at such an early stage rather than later.

    Please check my page in a few days here.. I am going to write a blog that parents like you could benefit and learn from! Feel free to email me any questions you may have. =D

    -apdwarrior17

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  3. I have lots of questions for you. So many, I think I will email you. Maybe after your address to the parents. Then, we can bombard you all at once, and you can reply publicly with another post! :o) Like a FAQ! I'll be back, soon!

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  4. Haha. Great idea! ;-). Looking forward to taking with you soon!!

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  5. You are different and no different than every one you know.
    Inspite of a difference you still are the best defender I have trained - maybe this difference is your strength as it is contagious and spreads to your team mates too - the dont mess with "me" in the "D" attitude...
    Thanks for letting me know how I can be more connected with you - for it is my loss if I dont do so. By me doing it the wrong way (poor communication with you) so far you have improved tremendously, now, what if I did it right (communicated with you the way it helps YOU), imagine......
    Anna, you have taught me one lesson in life, when I communicate, it should be done in a way that helps you to effectively receive and process the information, not the easiest way for me to communicate.
    Take me aside and tell me whenever I am ineffective in communicating with you - dont hesitate to do it publicly, I would rather be effective than be talking to myself!!!!
    Jayant

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  6. Thanks for understanding, coach! No problem.. Anything I can do to help the team, I will do. I love the team so much. I can say, your hand-motions help me when you are talking to me! You're the best =D

    -your warrior =D

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  7. This blog is so helpful! My 15yo daughter has auditory processing and I've been googling to see how I can help her. Seeing situations from your perspective is the most useful thing I've come across. Thank you!!! I'm sending her your blog and hope she can find some answers and commonality in what you've shared.

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  8. Hannah, I am so glad this helped you! It's always a great feeling when I can help someone with thier struggles, and in this case the same struggles :-). Let me know if you ever have any questions, or of your daughter wants to talk to me! I'm more than happy to. Happy Holidays <33

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