Parents! Here’s Your Guide to Help Your Kid(s) With APD:

All parents are awesome. They have super powers when it comes to just about EVERYTHING. Parents with kids with learning disabilities (like APD) are just unbelievable. They have to be very strong, very supportive, very understanding, and very helpful. These parents also stress a lot about their “different” child. A majority of my readers are parents with kids going through APD. These parents are awesome first of all… They also may not know everything about APD yet, and feel like they’re not doing enough to help. Well parents, I’m here to help you understand your child who has APD through some of my DAILY conversations and interactions I have with my parents and adults around me (like teachers). I am going to explain things I appreciate and some things I wish my parents wouldn’t do. My goal is for you to open your eyes after going over these tips I have for you and use them to help yourself and your beloved kid(s)!

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Situation One: It is very helpful when my parents, my counselor, and my teachers make sure they understand what I understand or may not understand. For this to happen, there needs to be two questions they need to use. 1. Do you understand? –This question allows me to recognize they are giving me the OK to ask for a repeat. It also lets me know they are going to be patient if I don’t understand. A lot of times at school I’ll be talking to my teacher or counselor one-on-one and they will ask me this. If I say “Yes, I understand” The BEST teachers ask the second question. 2. Okay, what did I just explain/say? Or Okay, what do you need to do? –A majority of the time I will answer wrong. I thought I knew what they explained to me, but I find out it isn’t right. That second question might feel awkward, but it’s a BIG help parents! Sometimes when they ask the second question I’ll straight up tell them “I didn’t understand” Asking these two questions also gives me comfort that it’s OK to talk to them and let them know I don’t understand. It also allows me repeat it again to process it better the second time. So parents.…Ask ask ask! Ask for yourself and your child. It will mean a lot to them! 

Situation Two: I have an older brother and he ALWAYS talks over me. For instance... My mom will be helping me with homework and while I’m trying to process what she is talking about my brother will say “Mom?” and my mom will reply and turn to him, in the middle of explaining! That’s a no-no… Because she stopped explaining in the middle of what she was talking about I have totally lost control of what I am processing now. I have a bunch of thoughts running in my head, but they’re all mixed up and I can’t make sense of it. This just makes me want to scream. I get very frustrated. Parents, don’t do this to your kids. If it does anything it hurts them. –One, I feel ignored and less important every time this happens (like what does my brother have to say that’s so much more important than understanding some homework?). – Two, now I am frustrated and I’m processing why I’m frustrated and annoyed instead of trying to stay focused on my homework and process that. – Three, I will not be able to make sense of only half of what she is saying. I will get confused and it can be overwhelming in my head. – Four, it’s a distraction!! – So parents, finish what you’re explaining and make sure your child understands it before you turn to someone else.

Situation Three: I appreciate it very much when my parents reward me for all my hard work I’ve put in… This can include grades, sports, being tough through a social situation, and just never giving up. Even if I don’t get good grades, or I do bad in a game, or I get hurt by a friend they know I work hard. When I do excel though, that’s a plus! A recent one example of this happened maybe a week and a half ago. My field hockey team elects one junior and one senior captain each year (while the junior captain from the last year is already a captain). I was not picked. I was a little sad, but not too sad. I knew it was coming because I don’t have all the communication skills like other kids have. After a game one day, my coach pulled me aside and told me how he is going to elect me as another junior captain because he really thinks I am a born leader. I was super excited, and told my mom and dad. That night my parents rewarded me by taking me out to dinner. They let me pick where, and we celebrated. A more recent time than that my dad gave me some money to buy school clothes because he knows I work very hard and I don’t give up. This to me feels so good. I don’t always get rewarded for my hard work, but when I do I feel even more motivated to keep up the hard work. It boosts my confidence level high. This makes me feel like I’m a good person and am doing the right things. Even a meaningful “Great job!” can help a lot. – So parents, please reward your kids’ hard work every once in awhile. That “little” reward can go a long way.

Situation Four: When I am doing homework all by myself and I’m really focused in, I don’t like to be bothered.. This is what my mom calls “Hyper-Focused”. My mom can pick it up better than my dad. I don’t want to be bothered. That’s it. Don’t talk to me unless I have a question. If I’m bothered, I can get distracted and my thoughts in my head will get all jumbled up and I’ll have to re-think what I was doing. My dad sometimes says, “Anna! Look at this article when you get done.” HOW annoying, dad… Now I have to take a moment and be annoyed THEN get back to my aching homework. For APD kids, homework takes a lot longer to complete than a kid without APD. Distractions simply just add more time. What a parent could do in this situation to help is write a note that says “If you need any help, I’ll be upstairs/on the couch/reading my book”. THAT’S what would help. For me this would be wonderful. That’s what I would want my mom to do in that situation because she wouldn’t be making any background noise…Just putting a “reminder” next to me if I am stuck and need a helping hand. – So parents, try to recognize when you’re child doesn’t want to be bothered during homework and give them some space! 

Situation Five: While we are on the topic of distractions, here is one distraction I dislike very much. The television. If you’re child studies in the same room as your television, sacrifice the T.V and not your child’s learning. The T.V is one of the most annoying devices during homework. Nothing gets accomplished. Step 1: Point. Step 2: Push the power button to OFF Step 3: Feel good that it will benefit your child’s homework time tremendously. If my dad wants to watch T.V, he knows to go upstairs (Dad, if you didn’t know, now you know! Haha), or he reads the paper. The T.V just puts more words into my head while trying to think while doing homework. So parents, Shut the television off. Sorry =D

Situation Six: Parents, please raise your hand if you wonder every night how much your child with APD doesn’t understand at dinner time? A majority of you are probably raising your hand, right? Well I’m here to fix this! I get completely LOST at dinner. The conversations are usually about work, the news, or other things I cannot connect with. My brother talks a lot at dinner.. Then my parents talk with him, too…. This is what goes on in my head…”Hello?! I’m still here! I have APD so I don’t know what to say in this conversation and I really don’t understand so can we please talk about something else? (Moments later) Whatever… I’ll just keep eating my delicious spaghetti and pretend it doesn’t bother me.” I know it’s really hard sometimes to talk about something everyone can talk about, but parents don’t just sit there wondering what your child is not understanding. Change the subject to something your son or daughter can talk about. I feel like at dinner I don’t have a voice. I eat, I drink my milk, I say a few things, and then I go put my dishes away and go do homework. Ask, “What do you want to talk about? You’ve been quiet. Any exciting news?” You know that situation all you parents hate hearing when your kids get home.. The one that goes, “I didn’t know what all my friends were talking about today and I felt left out. I just stood there and tried to understand” Well parents, you are those friends if you don’t include your kids at dinner. I can’t remember a single dinner conversation at all, because I don’t fully understand dinner conversations, or I just don’t know what to say to the boring topic! – So parents, ask your kid(s) if they can remember the last dinner conversation and let me know what they say. So spice your dinner up and ask your child some questions so they can be fully part of the dinner conversation. You’re doing great so far!

Situation Seven: When my parents don’t allow me to hangout with friends, I get so frustrated. Why? I rarely get these opportunities outside of school hours! Think about it… You want your child to have as many friends as they can possibly have. You want your child to practice those social situations. But you’re scared something’s going to happen, right? Don’t be scared. Be worried.. But, being worried and not allowing your child to go out is nuts. Being worried and allowing them to go out is better. If something happens it will only make your child stronger. I’ve had LOTS happen to me. I’ve been ditched, I’ve been screamed at, I’ve been out of the loop, and I’ve been picked on a lot!!!!! BUT, because I’ve been through all that I’m a strong person. It’s a very strange and confusing concept but it’s true. I know who to stay away from and I know who the good friends are very well now. If you keep your son or daughter away from that forever, they won’t know till they’re older who the good friends are and who the bad people are. That’s when it could hurt the most. It’s also a self-esteem thing. “I’m out with friends, doing what all kids my age do.” – So parents, It’s okay to be worried, but don’t be worried and keep your child back from a missed opportunity.

Situation Eight: Let’s talk about joking.. Wait, when are you joking? I cannot tell when my parents are joking or not. A lot of times I get upset and try giving them a look like “Please stop, I don’t get it”, but they never pick it up. Also, I take everything sort of seriously with my parents. I’m trying to “seriously” understand and process what you are saying, so I’m going to take you “seriously”. I think all kids with APD can say they don’t pick up sarcasm.. It’s embarrassing. I usually don’t show that I’m embarrassed with my parents, but instead get snappy. Like “Yeah, thanks…” And I am upset and hurt... I don’t have a sarcasm/joking radar gun. –So parents, try not to use too much sarcasm that your APD child might interoperate as being mean.

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I hope all the parents that read this very lengthy blog has picked up some tips to use back in their home. Help your children and then you’ll help yourself. If you have any questions PLEASE email me: apdwarrior17@gmail.com – Don’t hesitate to ask. If I get enough questions, I will put out a Parent FAQ! Thanks for reading! 

– apdwarrior17