Cliques: It’s not that I don’t belong anywhere; It’s just that I belong everywhere

Definition for Cliques: A small exclusive group of people. I go to a small public school. We are ranked 162 in the nation. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because we have so many cliques. I wouldn’t call all of them cliques, but we have a lot of groups and differences at our school. Yet no one can accept all those differences. We have:

1. The Jocks – The gifted athletic kids
2. The Sport Teams – Knowing friends through sport teams

3. The Preps – The girls who dress perfect every day, there make-up is perfect, and their hair is pretty
4. The Nerds – The smart kids who try SUPER hard in school and it’s very Important for them to get good grades
5. The Gothic’s – The kids who don’t say much, you can tell they have some anxiety, and wear dark clothing.
6. The Musical Kids – Love playing in band and/or orchestra.
7. The Artistic group – Photography, drawing, and artwork is their passion
8. The Drama Club – The kids who succeed in acting and musicals
9. The Druggies – Well, the kids who do drugs
10. The “Mean” Girls – Always gossiping about other kids, and are getting mad at their own friends 

I’m a jock. I’ve always been an athletic girl. I’m on a sport team--Field hockey. I can be preppy. I like to wear my best clothes, wear makeup, and style my hair. I’m a nerd. I try SUPER hard in school to get good grades. I’m Artistic. I love photography, and love artwork. I can also relate to the Gothic kids. I have anxiety over my Auditory Processing Disorder. So why do I feel like I’m only one going from group to group? Why do I feel like I am never fully in one specific group? Here are my reasons: 

1. All groups have drama.. Some groups more than others. I NEVER know what is going on when there’s drama in the air. I only try to figure it out because I want to be included in the conversations, and I want to well… Know what’s going on because everyone but ME knows. I’ve learned not to worry about it, but I find myself kind of parting from that group for a little bit when that happens. When there’s drama, that’s the only thing they will talk about for a while. 

2. I’m not the best at staying tuned to who is doing what, or who just said something really funny. Little things like that can go a long way for me. I get very frustrated with myself. I can literally feel myself trying the hardest I can, but when I still don’t understand, frustration swarms me. So… Not knowing things in conversations can give me nothing to say back. This makes me feel not completely “in” the group. 

3. My thinking speed is slower than most of my friends’ thinking speeds. This makes my friends say something before I can even think what I’m about to say. If I get asked a question, “Anna, what time is the football game at?” Most likely one of my friends will answer even though they were asking me specifically. They do this because they know the answer faster. Sometimes I don’t have a voice in certain situations. 

4. I find myself having a lot of different hobbies than my peers. A lot of kids only have a few things they like. Artistic kids at my school aren’t very athletic, so I can’t talk sports with them to keep conversation going. Preppy girls don’t know what anxiety is, so my personality is slightly different. Jocks at my school focus more on sports a lot more than they do their school work. I focus on school more, because well I have to. These differences and different hobbies can lead to conversation breakdowns, different personalities, and different activities being attended. 

-----

 A lot of my friends can recognize it, but they can’t put a name to it like I can…APD. There’s just a little gap of air between me and my peers. I’m not being excluded. That's not it. I'm there, but I’m just not fully there like everyone else is. I'm not like everyone else. It’s not that I don’t belong anywhere, It’s just that belong everywhere. =D