ADD vs. APD: Notice The Middle Letter Changes

I was diagnosed with ADD since I was in 3rd/4th grade. I was on ADD medication until I was in 8th/9th grade when I was diagnosed with Auditory Processing Disorder. Now there are SLIGHT similarities, but how do you mix Auditory Processing Disorder with Attention Deficit Disorder? They are NOT the same… At all. Many people get confused with this. EVERYONE knows about ADD so that’s what they would pick over APD because they probably don’t know what APD is.

My Experience With ADD Medication:

Now that I look back on taking ADD medication, I wish I was diagnosed with APD the first time because the medication affected me negatively 3rd-9th grade. Yes, maybe I was a little more focused in school and homework and what-not, but it didn't help me with how long I get things done or how I can verbalize things, or my social skills with people. It didn't help me what was really the issue. What I've been able to understand from my doctors as well as my personal experience with ADD medication is that the medication made me MORE anxious when I was taking it... ADD can be negative in the way as you’re TOO focused if you "don't have it" or have a higher anxiety level... I was too focused on the big test I had, or the words a boy said to me at lunch and the amount of homework that had to get done. The medication magnified and focused too much on things for me… BUT it is different for everyone's situation. ADD medication in my experience wasn't worth it. I KNOW my brother has ADD.. VERY obvious ADD when he is off of it, so it is worth it for him.

ADD:

ADD as everyone knows… Is when kids have a hard time focusing and commonly have behavioral issues along with the focusing aspect. Kids will often fidget, and will keep their body (and especially their hands) busy as much as they can. Some kids keep their mouth busy, too (blurting things out in or speaking in inappropriate instances). Some doctors say everyone has ADD, and some doctors say the opposite. This is because ADD is a very hard thing to diagnose correctly. From my experience, I was about sick of going from pill to pill because “I had ADD” even though the pills never seemed to work. Yes, there’s more to ADD but that’s a quick little summary.

APD:

If you haven’t already found out what APD is from my blogs, it’s a disorder that also affects the brain, but affects the auditory. Our ears will hear fine and clear, but our brain will spit and jumble totally wrong messages back to us. APD also affects on how LONG correct information will be sent. Sometimes if I’m asked a question I pause for 3 and even 10 seconds sometimes. It can be that long because my brain is also trying to PROCESS what I want to say as well. Verbalizing is difficult. Our brains “hearing” is difficult, so PROCESSING information is difficult. That’s what APD is summed up.

ADD vs APD:

Now seeing APD and ADD right next to one another, APD is TOTALLY different than ADD… Although, people would say “Oh Johnny wasn’t focused on what I was telling him to do so he forgot”. Well, that’s the case if you have ADD, but really what Johnny has is Auditory Processing Disorder because he did not UNDERSTAND what was just said to him. He was totally focused, but did not have the right message sent to him from his brain. ADD and APD are confused a lot especially in young children because little kids’ attention span’s aren’t very high to begin with. Also, ADD and APD are both very well hidden. Teachers and professionals don’t have as much knowledge on APD as they do ADD… (“Oh, he has ADD” – Or are you saying that because you have more knowledge on ADD? (Just sayin’!)) 

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Think about it… Trying to cure a disorder your child doesn’t have and not curing a disorder they ACTUALLY have is kind of a big deal. I thought I had ADD 3rd grade through 9th grade. Heck, I was very confused when I was told I had this one disorder called “Auditory Processing Disorder”. I didn't believe I had a different disorder because I was SO stuck on the idea that I had ADD. In fact, I was SO confused just a half a year ago I thought it was called “Audio Processing Disorder”. The more people can be educated on BOTH the disorders, the more advanced ideas people will generate to help BOTH of the disorders separately. But most importantly, parents and teachers will be able to start working with the children’s true needs earlier, and start curing the RIGHT one earlier. With me? :D

Real Questions Asked By Real Parents:

This page is dedicated to parents for always reading my blogs! I am so greatful there are people out there who care about what I am writing. Without you, I wouldn't have a blog. Thanks!!! 

It has taken me quite awhile to answer these questions because of my busy life, but I have finally finished all of them. I have tried my best to explain them with lots of detail. I hope all parent's can benefit from them!

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Do you drive? Do you find it hard? Wondering how apd teens manage getting their driving license??
Yes, I do drive.

The only hard part about driving for me is listening to my passenger’s directions. When my friends try to help me (like tell me to turn left or right, when to turn, what street will be after that, and stuff like that…) it’s hard sometimes because of the radio and if there’s other friends in the car they are talking or singing and I won’t hear the person giving directions. I catch myself turning the radio down and repeatedly telling my friends to stop talking for a second until they do so. I try having the person I’m most comfortable with helping me with directions/the most patient sit in the front.

The only other thing I’d say that makes driving hard, but this goes for everyone are the distractions. The more the distractions I have in the car, the more anxious I get. Because of my APD, I can get very distracted by one little thing. If my friends are throwing something, or pushing each other playfully in the back I can get distracted, as for anyone. I tend to tell them to stop, but haven’t had many situations like that where I have had to.

I really don’t think my APD affects my driving that much, besides me being directionally challenged. Other than that, I have just as much “skill” as any other teenager has when it comes to driving.

Do you have a job?

I don’t have a “employee” job, but yes I do have a job. I babysit, and LOVE IT! I really can’t see myself working as a waitress, or at a cash register, or making sandwiches at Subway. Those jobs just seem so stressful. I would MUCH rather have jobs LIKE babysitting that I find enjoyable. I have to really interact with someone or something. I am VERY hands-on. Right now, I can’t see myself at a job that requires strict tasks. Yes, babysitting has tasks, but not tasks like working in a store that you could really mess-up at get fired. I am starting to look at working at a day-care center or something like that. But yes my job is babysitting and I love it. I am a firm believer in finding a job you love and stick with it, and stay away from jobs that would make you a crabby person. :D

Will you get a diploma and do you have to do "grade level work" to get that diploma?

Yes, I plan on graduating next year (I’m a junior/in my 11th year right now), so I will get a diploma. I do have to do grade level work, but I have accommodations that help me accomplish grade level work with less stress. Some of my accommodations are:

1.Sit in front of the room (I am much more focused and it reduces distractions that may be behind me. I can hear and see the teacher better. If I can see the teacher, it helps to figure out what they are saying by making eye-contact, looking at their hand motions, and “reading their lips”)

2. Get notes from the teacher (Writing and trying to listen at the same time is very difficult)

3. The teacher has to use their microphones (below is a link of the exact microphone used):

- http://www.suntree.brevard.k12.fl.us/Technology/Audio-Microphone.pdf

4. Testing is taken place in a separate room (I take them in my schools guidance office).

5. I can have as much time on tests as needed (This goes for class tests. It hasn’t been decided about ACT, SAT on how much time I can have yet)

6. Extended time on homework if necessary

7. Receive an extra copy of each of my textbooks/English chapter books to leave at home (Sometimes my mom or dad will look ahead so when it comes time for homework, they will know how to help me ahead of time instead of re-learning it the night of which will take more time to finish. It is also really nice so I don’t have to worry about forgetting a book at school)

Most of my teachers are very understanding about my APD. A lot of these accommodations I still have to remind teachers and ask them every day for, which can be frustrating, but since it really helps me I need to make sure I get them. Some of my teachers even do more for me, like allow me to listen to music during work-time if it’s too loud, allow me to have an outline to look at for an essay on the test, break my tests up into separate days if it’s long, give me assignments ahead of time, etc… How I manage to get passed grade-level work will come from making sure I ask my teachers for accommodations, and other things that I feel will help me in the class. I have to be an advocate for myself, and I still am working on that.



Do your friends ever tease you?

If you are referring tease as to “joking around”, then YES all the time! I know my friends are just joking, but for me its personnel the things they say sometimes. It may seem as if I’m laughing with them, but inside I feel a little pain, but never show them.

There’s A LOT of sarcastic “stupid” jokes. For example… My peers could say “Wooow! You didn’t know that?!” or “Really, Anna?” or “What you just said made no sense. Haha” or “Sometimes I worry about you” or “Oh my gosh it’s not that hard!” or “C’mon! We don’t have all day!” My friends will also do this… The action where they will say something, and I kind of know it was about me (but again they’ll be “joking”) and I’ll ask, “Wait, say that again? Haha” (wondering what they said). They will then have this quick pause of silence but still noticeable, look at each other to figure out how each other should react, giggle and THEN say, “Don’t worry about it!”

Now you see… This kind of teasing is very well hidden, and requires a lot of brain power for me to piece it all together sometimes, and it takes just a little bit of time. And by the time I figure it all out I do feel stupid because 1. I understand what they were referring to most of the time…my APD 2. I just figured it out and now they have moved on to a new topic 3. They know I didn’t understand and they know I just acted like I did. And some other reasons as well, but those are the major ones. Now, because this kind of teasing is very subtle, when I was younger, I didn’t really recognize it as teasing. I just always thought they were laughing with me. Now that I’m older, and I’ve seen this kind of teasing over and over again, I can easily pick up on it. My parents told me that when I was younger they felt so bad for me when this teasing happened because they understood what was happening, but I didn’t so I would get teased for not seeing the joke. And really, I didn’t see it! When I look back now, I can so see what was going on and why I might be “judged” by some of my classmates today. I would say I started really understanding the teasing when I was 7 or 8 years old.

Do any of your teachers just not get it and do you feel comfortable telling them what needs to be said? If so, what age did you feel you could advocate for yourself?

Yes, especially in the past this has happened as well. Some of them assume I didn’t “do” my homework because I didn’t want to ‘try” even though the true reason is I certainly do try and I did not understand the assignment. One of my pet-peeves is when a teacher assumes I didn’t try, or I didn’t work hard enough. I want to cry when I hear that because they don’t know what they’re talking about, I try very hard and it’s very stressful when I look at how many hours I put into my studies and how many hours I don’t put into other activities. The teachers who say to me “You’re not trying” or “You’re not working hard enough” are usually the ones who don’t understand.

You know my freshman year of high school (year 9) is when I started trying to advocate for myself, and it worked well. The work itself wasn’t very hard, so I felt it was easier to go in for help. Plus, I really liked my teachers and I really felt connected with them because they understood me. My sophomore year (year 10) I struggled with advocating for myself because the work was harder, and I wasn’t able to connect with my teachers and I felt they weren’t as understanding. I am just starting to feel comfortable about advocating for myself this year (junior year/11th year), but am still working on it. It’s been harder to advocate for myself this year because the work is harder than ever, so I feel more worked up and frustrated. It doesn’t help that some of my teachers aren’t very understanding this year, so I feel there’s a gap of air between us.

Okay…I know I should be more of an advocate for myself when my teachers are not understanding, but it’s very hard for me to verbalize things to my teachers, especially in the stressful school environment I’ve been in for quite some time (AND especially to teachers that aren’t understanding). I become very anxious when I have to talk to a teacher, and it’s a very emotional position for me. I prefer to email them rather than go in to talk to them, because… 1. it’s not in school when I’ll email them 2. I can process what I want to say better and 3. I’m MUCH better expressing myself over writing than verbally.



‎"Why are you lazy" not YOU Anna, and yet not lazy when it's something that benefits you?

This is a great question, and one that also has a lot of reasons behind it… I can speak for everyone who has a processing disorder when I say we need more breaks than someone without a processing disorder (Hey, I’m not trying to say those of you who don’t have a processing disorder don’t need breaks. We all need lots of breaks! But, it’s more overwhelming for someone vice versa). I’ve used this in the past but… 7 hours a day we are processing information, and it’s hard and complex things that we are “asked” to process. 3-4 (or more) hours after that, we have to work on homework based on the information that was processed for 7 hours straight to us…So we have to go back and re-process what was being said in those 7 hours, and try to break those 7 hours down into just 3-4 hours of homework, and summarizing is not a strong suite. Are you stressed out just reading that? – I am! That was hard to write for me! Take 7 (hours in school) + 4(hour on homework or more) and times that by 7 (days a week) and you get 77(or more) hours a week spent on complex and hard information that needs to be processed. That’s just a week. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week is equal to 168 hours a week. 77 hours is almost half of 168 hours a week. No kid, or no adult wants to spend that amount of time on something that is difficult for them.

When there is something that is easy for me, and fun (like babysitting, field hockey, or photography…) that BENEFITS me I want to do my best at it. It’s fun, and I’m good at it! It’s EASY, and not a lot of things in life living with Auditory Processing Disorder as teenager are easy. That’s why if you pick a major you like in college, or a job you really enjoy, there is not a thought about being lazy because you LIKE it and you want to work at it. But if you don’t like the major you’re in, or you hate your job, you’re going to become lazy because it’s not what you like to do.



This goes for everyone in the world, but it’s rare for someone with APD to say something is “easy” all the time, so when there is something easy and fun, it’s incredible!

I find it hard imagining my daughter in school all the way to grade 12 (struggles so much now) How do your parents/teachers help you to stay at school? I guess motivation wise - is what I'm asking???

I don’t blame her. It’s really hard, and I do get a lot of help from my parents, teachers, AND counselors. Does she have a counselor or teacher that she’s closer with than others? – I have a few teachers and a counselor I talk with more openly than I would with others in school. It has really helped me to have an adult to go to in the environment I struggle in if I’m feeling overwhelmed or out of place because they can literally see and understand what I must go through because they are there every day, too. It’s great to have someone from home help, but having someone to help me in the environment I don’t like can be more real and more assuring because they are there, too.

They all do a great job of motivating me by keeping things simple… When I say that, I mean to make things smaller and not BIG and overwhelming. For example… When I have a lot of homework I tend to freak out and look at the big picture. “I have to do two math lessons, because I didn’t finish the one from last night, plus the one that is due tomorrow.. I have to finish my social studies paper, and read and answer questions for English! Ahhhh!” That’s what usually happens. I look at it was one BIG thing, and I don’t see it as a bunch of little things. My parents break it up for me, and that helps a lot. That is how I get through a night of homework.

As for teachers and my counselor helping me, I usually freak out about how I have to finish a WHOLE year or a WHOLE semester, or a BUNCH of tests I have that week. Same as my parents, they will make things smaller for me, and set smaller goals for me. Again, looking at something as only one thing is WAY overwhelming for me. So instead of looking at a WHOLE year, they set little “goals” for me like getting through the 1st term of school and not to look beyond that point. Instead of looking at a WHOLE semester, they will help me by just focusing on just one week and getting through that. Instead of looking at ALL the tests I have that week, just focus and study for one at a time. I have to keep things very small to get passed my anxiety, and it helps when the things I need to get done are in smaller chunks. I have to be re-directed into a smaller perspective a lot of times.

Today, I dread going to school, and thinking how I am not even half way done with my school year yet, or that I have next year as well, but those are just thoughts, and I do have to learn how to control them and make them positive. Even for you as a parent it will help to focus on the smaller things your daughter has to finish, than the things far away. I probably said that easier than it is to do, but the bigger you make things, the harder they will be.



How has CAPD affected you socially as a teen? Do you find you are more of an introvert as a result? Do you avoid big crowds? Do you have a few good friends instead of many acquaintances? Do you like to leave the house to hang out with friends or do you prefer to stay at home on weekends/your free time?

APD has made me who I am, and my social life is one thing my APD has essentially taken over for me. APD is just one of my characteristic in my personality, and it very well takes up a lot of space in my personality. Only starting in my 8th year of school is when I really started piecing that together. This has always been hard for me to explain to other people how APD has affected me socially, so it may be long… I have lived in a small town setting my whole life. The city is small enough that you can walk or ride your bike to the food store, ice-cream shop, restaurants, and the library. Our high school, and middle school is right by all of this, and our high school has off-campus lunch. The reason I’m telling you this is because everyone knows everyone and everything about each kid at my school. I don’t go to a school so big that I see a new person everyday… I can memorize WHEN I see people in the hallway. With that said, the rumors and information spreads fast at our school, and for me, it’s too fast so I always get lost in it. I don’t try to know all the rumors and everything… actually I try to avoid them. At my school, it seems the more you know about kids and the more willing you are to share with everyone (AKA— A good story teller, which I am not), the more popular you become. Then there’s the competition on how athletic you are, but that’s second. I’m very athletic, but don’t have the quickness to keep up with the drama and I don’t have the “right words”. It really depends when I’m introvert… Overall, yes I am. When I’m with the few good friends I have, I’m very social, free-spirited, and I’ve been told to be pretty funny because I’m comfortable with them, and they’re comfortable with me. With acquaintances, I am not so comfortable with so it’s hard to find the words or the topics to talk about. I don’t pay attention too much about what other kids in my school are doing, and that’s usually the strongest topic between acquaintances and a skill I don’t have.

So to simply answer that, yes I am very introvert when it comes to unfamiliarity, which then of course is a difference I have then most. I do avoid big crowds because the big crowds are overwhelming and there’s a lot of drama usually, and I cannot follow the smallest piece of drama for my life, then people catch on to that, which results into me getting ignored by them. The big crowds are not the nicest, healthy-minded, or understanding kids here at my school either… With that said, their personalities can lead to drama. I do have a few good friends I stick with, but with my luck I’ll get to “hangout” with them for a good 15 minutes at the end of lunch. If I have a class with them even it’s hard to “hangout” unless I sit by them (which I do find helpful if I am seated next to a close friend, because they help me out a lot!). There is not a lot of hangout time for me during or after school, so I am a lot of times very independent and again very introvert. When I do get a social opportunity on the weekends, I’m “trained” to be excited and go out if I’m free which in most cases all kids are “trained” this way. I do get excited, but at the same time these types of situations are stressful depending how many people are involved. In my case, I’m usually the one asking my friends to hangout though, so I usually get to choose how many. But again, it’s a stressful position, and especially now because I am the only of my small friend group who can drive. I just like to relax, and stay away from the “school” environment as much as possible! – And hanging out with friends to me is part of the school experience.

My son has APD and is in Year 3. He copes quite well at school in familiar situations so we are very lucky. I notice it particularly in unknown situations such as dentist visits, instructions he may not have heard of. He HATES to be different. He also has anxiety and feels 'dumb' which then affects his self-esteem. My question is, how do I tell him how different to other kids he actually is without freaking him out, making him feel worse etc.? 

Well first off, I have to say that APD is nothing that should freak anyone out. Everyone learns and understands things at different paces. Unfortunately, APD affects a lot of what we do, and really does show in those unfamiliar situations because well, we’re not used to processing the new information. I’m sure anyone with or without APD could say that they feel anxious/dump/awkward in an unfamiliar situation, because they don’t know what to do, or how to act!

The easy answer is to tell you to tell him what APD is. For me, my mom and dad explained it to me once basically and felt “dumb”. But the reason I felt that way is because I didn’t really understand what it was (or what they were explaining to me). I am just now understanding what APD is, and I am much more understanding about my situation. The more ways you can explain APD to your child, the easier it might be for him. The more you explain it, the more familiar he will be. Right now he’s probably unfamiliar with it, and as you said he doesn’t do well in unfamiliar settings. Well, explaining to him what APD is is probably very unfamiliar to him right now. The more times he hears it, and understands the easier it will be. Just like going to a new school… The more days you go there, the easier it gets! (Lame example, I know.)

Also, it took me awhile to “feel comfortable in my own skin” and accept the fact I have APD because I wouldn’t allow myself to think of the positives that come out of it. Now, I can say that having APD allows me to communicate with kids very well (little vocabulary) and I love working with kids. I don’t have to be involved in any school gossip or drama because well, I can’t. Haha. You’d think that’s a bad thing, but it’s a TOTAL relief. It really depends on how he will approach it and handle it emotionally. It’s all up in your head, and only he can control that, but you as a parent have the ability to make APD familiar and comfortable for him.

Something I've always wondered is whether or not my son realizes he hears things differently than other people. He is 9 and just realizing how differently he struggles with schoolwork. I have always wondered when he was younger if he knew that he just didn't understand as well as other kids.

I have to say, when I was younger, I did not really pay attention to what other people could hear, but I couldn’t. That was when I was 13 years old. Now, I pick it up every single moment (16 now), and that can be worse sometimes… Worse because it’s something I can pick out easily that I struggle with, and happens a lot which affects my self-esteem. “Do they know I don’t understand often?” But positively if I think, “Oh, I don’t understand so I should ask for a clarification so I do understand.” It has taken me a lot of time and thinking to realize how different I am from others, and how different others are from me. Just like any kid… It will take time for them to figure out who they are. I’ve heard many people in my life say that it’s not till college/university when people really figure out who they are. It can be frustrating as a kid not understanding who I was. I didn’t know I had APD until I was 13 years old. So before that, I knew I’d always be mocked or bullied, or not invited to things but I didn’t know why. All young kids want to know “why?” Think about it… If you told your kid “You can’t go to Jimmy’s Birthday party on Saturday” and not explain to them “why”, they are going to be frusterated, don’t you think? It’s the same things when kids don’t understand why a certain friend doesn’t invite them, or why they are placed in school as “un cool” even though they’re super nice and athletic. It takes time to figure that stuff out. I’m still working on it and I’m 16. I want to know “why” all the time, but I don’t want to know “why” as much as I did when I was younger. As I grow, I learn not to worry about things as much as I did when I was younger.

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Thanks to everyone who read my blogs, and a big shout out to the parents! It can be a tough job being a parent to a child that requires more needs than the average child, and we all love you for that ♥ 

Let me know if there's any more questions!

High School Dances:

Every teenager has to attend at least a few high school dances in their life to say if they like them or not right? If you never go to a dance, you can’t say you didn’t like it, or you did like it. You wouldn’t know. I’ve been to four of them, so I have an answer for you from a teenager with auditory processing disorder’s perspective. Here I go…

Let’s just say it was EXTREMELY loud. I could hear the music standing outside of my school. Yikes. That’s loud! Let me tell you how it was for me standing in the gym where the music was coming from/where the dance was… First, it was packed. When there are a lot of teenagers in one area, what do you think tends to happen? Everyone tries talking over each other! Am I right? Okay, now picture all the teenagers trying to talk over the blasted music AND everyone’s blasted voices. The volume just went up 20 notches. L-O-U-D!!!! For someone with APD, the L-O-U-D is louder than ever.

I saw so many friends I knew at the dance. My first intention is to go over to them and talk to them. ‘Wait… It’s really loud. Well I’m going to have to anyways. So here I go...’ This is where my lip reading skills and gesture reading skills have to come in, because there’s no way I’ll be able to make out what they’re trying to say. But wait, it's really dark!! Theres only one little streamer type light going and its only hitting the back wall. I can't see their lips very well, and a few gestures. This is what I can make out… HI (They seems happy and excited) YOU LOOK SO PRETTY! (They gesture their hands looking at my dress) HOW ARE YOU? ….(What?) WHERE DID YOU GO FOR DINNER? …. (What?) OH MY GOSH! Blah blah blah …. (Just stop talking I can’t understand you). Then this is when they usually use a hand gesture or kind of roll there eyes and say ‘See you later’.

Now what’s the point of dances if you can’t talk to your pals? Well… DANCING duhh! Well, because of how loud everything is around me and seeing the teenagers having conversations that I can’t have stresses me out, and I kind of go into panic mode. Like “Agh!! I want to know what’s going on!” kind of thing. I feel like I am just walking around looking for people, or dancing in a bunch of noise and I can’t hear any talking. I almost feel like the noise is taking the place of all the air around me, so I can’t breathe. So when I’m dancing in a huge group, and that huge group is squished together tightly, I feel like I can’t breathe even more. My head is spinning because I’m getting a headache from all the noise, and it’s spinning because of confusion. The tight bodies just makes it worse.

The before part of the dance is the best part which includes getting my nails done in a quite salon, trying on dresses, trying on shoes, finding the perfect earrings doing my hair and doing my makeup. While I am doing all of those activities I have to think ‘Agh, I can’t wait for the dance!’ ‘I can’t wait till my outfit is complete’ ‘I can’t wait for pictures!’ ‘I can’t wait to see how everyone else looks!’ Ect… I mean, common sense. Right? You don’t want to go into these kind of experiences thinking negative things. It’s okay to get your hopes high about something, and then get something less back in the end. The point is, if you never experience something, you don’t get to get your hopes up high and have those moments of joy. It’s okay to be disappointed, but you can’t expect everything to turn out the way you planned in your head. Those are just thoughts, but they’re fun to think. 

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So I thought the dance itself was poor and stressful, but I had a lot of fun with my date before, during and after the dance. I had fun seeing all my friends, but not so much fun trying to understand them and getting nothing back in return. I like the dance, and I don’t like it. I have the power to express this because I’ve experienced it four times now, and will keep re analyzing this because I’ll go again. The next time, I’ll have something different to say. For now, that’s what I have to say about my high school dances!!!      

Being Treated Differently Has Benefits!!

Wow, so many people are treated differently... Okay, you probably thought that was a bad thing I just said, didn’t you? Got ya! It’s a good thing! Yes, you may argue bullying is not a good different…That’s true. I’m not talking about bullying. I’m talking about when I’m with my friends trying to understand, in the class room, on the field, and many other places… I WANT to be treated different because I WANT to understand at the same level as everyone else around me.

One thing that has come up a lot is how kids with learning disabilities don’t want to be treated differently in the class room... Why? There’s nothing wrong with learning at a different level. EVERYONE on this world learns at a different pace. There’s not ONE person who is exactly the same as someone else. I have grew to learn that being treated different in the class room HELPS me. I just received a 504 plan for this fall, and WOW it’s a lot of help. I was always very hesitant about leaving the room to take tests, and asking for extended time on school work. Look, if I wasn’t able to leaving the room for tests, or receive extended time on school work I would be a wreck. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate with 30 other bodies in the class room, and I just wouldn’t be able to get things done on time… There’s no way. It’s stressful! I need to be treated differently to be at the same level as everyone around me in the class room. It’s just the way it works, and that’s 100% okay!

You know when there’s a lot of commotion going on and you don’t understand what is happening? Yup, been there done that, every day. I don’t want to just stand there pretending like I understand.

Everyone-*A lot of talking and conversations….I turn and listen in to one conversation*

Me -“Ugh, what are we talking about?? Haha”

Chris- “Don’t worry about it”

Me- “No what????”

Chris- “Haha, it’s no big deal”

Sarah- “Wait what are you talking about?”

Chris- “It’s a long story, haha”

I don’t want to be treated like everyone else here! BECAUSE I struggle 24-7 with following conversations I would much rather be treated differently. For example, during my field hockey practice the other day, my coach was trying to explain a drill. I was totally confused and I said just slightly frustrated “I’m confused”. While he was still talking, my teammate turned to me (and she knows I have APD) and said “I’ll help you in a second”. To me that means SO much that someone my age is going to be patient with me and help me. All it took was for me to be treated different.

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So really, when I have to be treated differently like in the situations I explained to you, I’m thankful for it. I’m happy I can have the same level of understanding as my peers around me… It just takes me more steps. Don’t feel ashamed for whatever the extra steps you need to take to get where you want to get. Be glad you are going to get there!

The Evil Words: School Tests

Well, I am in my third week of school of my junior year of high school (11th year) now, and it’s been a rough start. Getting into the groove of things, figuring out where all my friends are after a long summer, getting used to teaching styles of my 6 teachers, and school work. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? For me it takes a lot of brain power, and so does taking tests!! I am going to share a story about test taking that has happened to me not just this past week, but happens sometimes pretty often.

So just this past Thursday I had a United States history test. Wow, just the words “History test” starts to enlarge my eyes and scramble my mind. All of the reading comprehension, all the history vocabulary terms, all the memorization involved, and all of the lecturing in class shines a light on Auditory Processing Disorder. This class is very hard for me to keep up. My favorite teacher although teaches it! He’s very approachable ,and is very understanding about my APD. Even though he’s one of the better teachers I have, he can’t snap his fingers to make my APD go away and he can’t always make me grasp the concept at the same pace as the rest of the class (but man I wish he could!). I still have to have my mum help me and my tutor help me with every lesson. There are just so many details involved in history.

Anyways, let’s talk about that test! I am a very hard worker in school. I get frustrated when I don’t do well in school. I studied very hard for this test. There were 63 vocabulary terms, and an essay I had to write for the test. Because I didn’t grasp all the vocabulary terms very well during the lessons, I looked them all up and studied them ALL not just once, but many times. I knew what they all mean. Now it’s time to walk down to the guidance office (where I take my tests), pull out a pen and start taking my test… Wait, that definition does not look the same as the one I wrote…. Either does that one… Or that one… Or that one... WHAT?! Here is what I’m feeling…*I’m very confused, stressed out over all the re worded definitions, stressed out because the whole week has been just tiring and stressful, and I studied SO hard for this, and now I’m about to fail.* Have you ever studied super hard for a test and thought you understood everything, then the test gets passed out and you say to yourself, “WHAT?”. Yeah, that is what is happening. I could not process all the TEST definitions and compare them to MY own words I was studying from. I could not make sense of what the heck the definitions were even saying. I got so upset, and started to cry. I tried writing in a few answers, but it was just too much. I sat there for an hour trying to figure it all out and trying to make sense of all of it. To this minute, my test still has only a few answers filled out, no essay written yet, and is with my guidance counselor. That test gave me a glimpse of what I’m going to be dealing with the rest of the year, and I was just taking it all in way too quickly. I’m going to have to really work 10X harder than I did.

This is what we are looking at right now… When I have to re-word something, or my teacher rewords something it isn’t fun for me. I can literally FEEL my brain working super hard to understand, but don’t get any results back. It just looks like gibberish. It’s almost as if I have to re learn EVERYTHING. Try learning about something that takes three weeks, then right when you thought everything made sense it didn’t, so now you have to go re-learn it. This doesn’t just happen a few times for me, it happens often.

(Thanks readers! Sorry for the delay! School is hard and it’s hard to keep up with writing my blogs. If you have any suggestions on questions you want answered let me know, and I will dedicate my time to write a blog about your questions.)

Parents! Here’s Your Guide to Help Your Kid(s) With APD:

All parents are awesome. They have super powers when it comes to just about EVERYTHING. Parents with kids with learning disabilities (like APD) are just unbelievable. They have to be very strong, very supportive, very understanding, and very helpful. These parents also stress a lot about their “different” child. A majority of my readers are parents with kids going through APD. These parents are awesome first of all… They also may not know everything about APD yet, and feel like they’re not doing enough to help. Well parents, I’m here to help you understand your child who has APD through some of my DAILY conversations and interactions I have with my parents and adults around me (like teachers). I am going to explain things I appreciate and some things I wish my parents wouldn’t do. My goal is for you to open your eyes after going over these tips I have for you and use them to help yourself and your beloved kid(s)!

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Situation One: It is very helpful when my parents, my counselor, and my teachers make sure they understand what I understand or may not understand. For this to happen, there needs to be two questions they need to use. 1. Do you understand? –This question allows me to recognize they are giving me the OK to ask for a repeat. It also lets me know they are going to be patient if I don’t understand. A lot of times at school I’ll be talking to my teacher or counselor one-on-one and they will ask me this. If I say “Yes, I understand” The BEST teachers ask the second question. 2. Okay, what did I just explain/say? Or Okay, what do you need to do? –A majority of the time I will answer wrong. I thought I knew what they explained to me, but I find out it isn’t right. That second question might feel awkward, but it’s a BIG help parents! Sometimes when they ask the second question I’ll straight up tell them “I didn’t understand” Asking these two questions also gives me comfort that it’s OK to talk to them and let them know I don’t understand. It also allows me repeat it again to process it better the second time. So parents.…Ask ask ask! Ask for yourself and your child. It will mean a lot to them! 

Situation Two: I have an older brother and he ALWAYS talks over me. For instance... My mom will be helping me with homework and while I’m trying to process what she is talking about my brother will say “Mom?” and my mom will reply and turn to him, in the middle of explaining! That’s a no-no… Because she stopped explaining in the middle of what she was talking about I have totally lost control of what I am processing now. I have a bunch of thoughts running in my head, but they’re all mixed up and I can’t make sense of it. This just makes me want to scream. I get very frustrated. Parents, don’t do this to your kids. If it does anything it hurts them. –One, I feel ignored and less important every time this happens (like what does my brother have to say that’s so much more important than understanding some homework?). – Two, now I am frustrated and I’m processing why I’m frustrated and annoyed instead of trying to stay focused on my homework and process that. – Three, I will not be able to make sense of only half of what she is saying. I will get confused and it can be overwhelming in my head. – Four, it’s a distraction!! – So parents, finish what you’re explaining and make sure your child understands it before you turn to someone else.

Situation Three: I appreciate it very much when my parents reward me for all my hard work I’ve put in… This can include grades, sports, being tough through a social situation, and just never giving up. Even if I don’t get good grades, or I do bad in a game, or I get hurt by a friend they know I work hard. When I do excel though, that’s a plus! A recent one example of this happened maybe a week and a half ago. My field hockey team elects one junior and one senior captain each year (while the junior captain from the last year is already a captain). I was not picked. I was a little sad, but not too sad. I knew it was coming because I don’t have all the communication skills like other kids have. After a game one day, my coach pulled me aside and told me how he is going to elect me as another junior captain because he really thinks I am a born leader. I was super excited, and told my mom and dad. That night my parents rewarded me by taking me out to dinner. They let me pick where, and we celebrated. A more recent time than that my dad gave me some money to buy school clothes because he knows I work very hard and I don’t give up. This to me feels so good. I don’t always get rewarded for my hard work, but when I do I feel even more motivated to keep up the hard work. It boosts my confidence level high. This makes me feel like I’m a good person and am doing the right things. Even a meaningful “Great job!” can help a lot. – So parents, please reward your kids’ hard work every once in awhile. That “little” reward can go a long way.

Situation Four: When I am doing homework all by myself and I’m really focused in, I don’t like to be bothered.. This is what my mom calls “Hyper-Focused”. My mom can pick it up better than my dad. I don’t want to be bothered. That’s it. Don’t talk to me unless I have a question. If I’m bothered, I can get distracted and my thoughts in my head will get all jumbled up and I’ll have to re-think what I was doing. My dad sometimes says, “Anna! Look at this article when you get done.” HOW annoying, dad… Now I have to take a moment and be annoyed THEN get back to my aching homework. For APD kids, homework takes a lot longer to complete than a kid without APD. Distractions simply just add more time. What a parent could do in this situation to help is write a note that says “If you need any help, I’ll be upstairs/on the couch/reading my book”. THAT’S what would help. For me this would be wonderful. That’s what I would want my mom to do in that situation because she wouldn’t be making any background noise…Just putting a “reminder” next to me if I am stuck and need a helping hand. – So parents, try to recognize when you’re child doesn’t want to be bothered during homework and give them some space! 

Situation Five: While we are on the topic of distractions, here is one distraction I dislike very much. The television. If you’re child studies in the same room as your television, sacrifice the T.V and not your child’s learning. The T.V is one of the most annoying devices during homework. Nothing gets accomplished. Step 1: Point. Step 2: Push the power button to OFF Step 3: Feel good that it will benefit your child’s homework time tremendously. If my dad wants to watch T.V, he knows to go upstairs (Dad, if you didn’t know, now you know! Haha), or he reads the paper. The T.V just puts more words into my head while trying to think while doing homework. So parents, Shut the television off. Sorry =D

Situation Six: Parents, please raise your hand if you wonder every night how much your child with APD doesn’t understand at dinner time? A majority of you are probably raising your hand, right? Well I’m here to fix this! I get completely LOST at dinner. The conversations are usually about work, the news, or other things I cannot connect with. My brother talks a lot at dinner.. Then my parents talk with him, too…. This is what goes on in my head…”Hello?! I’m still here! I have APD so I don’t know what to say in this conversation and I really don’t understand so can we please talk about something else? (Moments later) Whatever… I’ll just keep eating my delicious spaghetti and pretend it doesn’t bother me.” I know it’s really hard sometimes to talk about something everyone can talk about, but parents don’t just sit there wondering what your child is not understanding. Change the subject to something your son or daughter can talk about. I feel like at dinner I don’t have a voice. I eat, I drink my milk, I say a few things, and then I go put my dishes away and go do homework. Ask, “What do you want to talk about? You’ve been quiet. Any exciting news?” You know that situation all you parents hate hearing when your kids get home.. The one that goes, “I didn’t know what all my friends were talking about today and I felt left out. I just stood there and tried to understand” Well parents, you are those friends if you don’t include your kids at dinner. I can’t remember a single dinner conversation at all, because I don’t fully understand dinner conversations, or I just don’t know what to say to the boring topic! – So parents, ask your kid(s) if they can remember the last dinner conversation and let me know what they say. So spice your dinner up and ask your child some questions so they can be fully part of the dinner conversation. You’re doing great so far!

Situation Seven: When my parents don’t allow me to hangout with friends, I get so frustrated. Why? I rarely get these opportunities outside of school hours! Think about it… You want your child to have as many friends as they can possibly have. You want your child to practice those social situations. But you’re scared something’s going to happen, right? Don’t be scared. Be worried.. But, being worried and not allowing your child to go out is nuts. Being worried and allowing them to go out is better. If something happens it will only make your child stronger. I’ve had LOTS happen to me. I’ve been ditched, I’ve been screamed at, I’ve been out of the loop, and I’ve been picked on a lot!!!!! BUT, because I’ve been through all that I’m a strong person. It’s a very strange and confusing concept but it’s true. I know who to stay away from and I know who the good friends are very well now. If you keep your son or daughter away from that forever, they won’t know till they’re older who the good friends are and who the bad people are. That’s when it could hurt the most. It’s also a self-esteem thing. “I’m out with friends, doing what all kids my age do.” – So parents, It’s okay to be worried, but don’t be worried and keep your child back from a missed opportunity.

Situation Eight: Let’s talk about joking.. Wait, when are you joking? I cannot tell when my parents are joking or not. A lot of times I get upset and try giving them a look like “Please stop, I don’t get it”, but they never pick it up. Also, I take everything sort of seriously with my parents. I’m trying to “seriously” understand and process what you are saying, so I’m going to take you “seriously”. I think all kids with APD can say they don’t pick up sarcasm.. It’s embarrassing. I usually don’t show that I’m embarrassed with my parents, but instead get snappy. Like “Yeah, thanks…” And I am upset and hurt... I don’t have a sarcasm/joking radar gun. –So parents, try not to use too much sarcasm that your APD child might interoperate as being mean.

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I hope all the parents that read this very lengthy blog has picked up some tips to use back in their home. Help your children and then you’ll help yourself. If you have any questions PLEASE email me: apdwarrior17@gmail.com – Don’t hesitate to ask. If I get enough questions, I will put out a Parent FAQ! Thanks for reading! 

– apdwarrior17

Cliques: It’s not that I don’t belong anywhere; It’s just that I belong everywhere

Definition for Cliques: A small exclusive group of people. I go to a small public school. We are ranked 162 in the nation. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because we have so many cliques. I wouldn’t call all of them cliques, but we have a lot of groups and differences at our school. Yet no one can accept all those differences. We have:

1. The Jocks – The gifted athletic kids
2. The Sport Teams – Knowing friends through sport teams

3. The Preps – The girls who dress perfect every day, there make-up is perfect, and their hair is pretty
4. The Nerds – The smart kids who try SUPER hard in school and it’s very Important for them to get good grades
5. The Gothic’s – The kids who don’t say much, you can tell they have some anxiety, and wear dark clothing.
6. The Musical Kids – Love playing in band and/or orchestra.
7. The Artistic group – Photography, drawing, and artwork is their passion
8. The Drama Club – The kids who succeed in acting and musicals
9. The Druggies – Well, the kids who do drugs
10. The “Mean” Girls – Always gossiping about other kids, and are getting mad at their own friends 

I’m a jock. I’ve always been an athletic girl. I’m on a sport team--Field hockey. I can be preppy. I like to wear my best clothes, wear makeup, and style my hair. I’m a nerd. I try SUPER hard in school to get good grades. I’m Artistic. I love photography, and love artwork. I can also relate to the Gothic kids. I have anxiety over my Auditory Processing Disorder. So why do I feel like I’m only one going from group to group? Why do I feel like I am never fully in one specific group? Here are my reasons: 

1. All groups have drama.. Some groups more than others. I NEVER know what is going on when there’s drama in the air. I only try to figure it out because I want to be included in the conversations, and I want to well… Know what’s going on because everyone but ME knows. I’ve learned not to worry about it, but I find myself kind of parting from that group for a little bit when that happens. When there’s drama, that’s the only thing they will talk about for a while. 

2. I’m not the best at staying tuned to who is doing what, or who just said something really funny. Little things like that can go a long way for me. I get very frustrated with myself. I can literally feel myself trying the hardest I can, but when I still don’t understand, frustration swarms me. So… Not knowing things in conversations can give me nothing to say back. This makes me feel not completely “in” the group. 

3. My thinking speed is slower than most of my friends’ thinking speeds. This makes my friends say something before I can even think what I’m about to say. If I get asked a question, “Anna, what time is the football game at?” Most likely one of my friends will answer even though they were asking me specifically. They do this because they know the answer faster. Sometimes I don’t have a voice in certain situations. 

4. I find myself having a lot of different hobbies than my peers. A lot of kids only have a few things they like. Artistic kids at my school aren’t very athletic, so I can’t talk sports with them to keep conversation going. Preppy girls don’t know what anxiety is, so my personality is slightly different. Jocks at my school focus more on sports a lot more than they do their school work. I focus on school more, because well I have to. These differences and different hobbies can lead to conversation breakdowns, different personalities, and different activities being attended. 

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 A lot of my friends can recognize it, but they can’t put a name to it like I can…APD. There’s just a little gap of air between me and my peers. I’m not being excluded. That's not it. I'm there, but I’m just not fully there like everyone else is. I'm not like everyone else. It’s not that I don’t belong anywhere, It’s just that belong everywhere. =D

The Truths About High School Hallways

If there is anything in the world that gives me anxiety, It is definitely living in High School 7 hours and 20 minutes a day five days a week.  That’s 36 hours and 40 minutes a week of being around a bunch of loud and talkative teenagers my age every day during the week. One word that describes this for me is “headache”! So I am going to give you the down-right truths that I run into daily:

In between classes, we have 5 minutes to get to our next class. For me, it feels like 10 minutes. A bunch of kids talking and being loud going to their next class is extremely loud for someone who has APD like me! I would say this scenario would be 10 times louder for someone with APD than looking at someone without APD. You’re probably saying, “Just block out all the noise!” Um, how?! It’s impossible to ignore sounds for me. I can hear everything, but I cannot make sense of what is being heard. It sounds like all those noise makers at the 2010 World Cup - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFMolQckDE&NR=1 – There is no way you can pick out one of the horns’ specific noises. If you think I’m exaggerating about the horns by the way, I’m not at all kidding. The title does say TRUTHS in it. Although, once I enter my classroom it dies down tremendously but there are still a few horns in the room at all times. Whenever I talk to my guidance counselor, she closes the door because there is a lot of noise going on outside of her office. Also, after school if I need to talk to one of my teachers, I try to close the door. So my point here is hallways are very loud for me. I am so glad we have off campus lunch at my school!

Trying to have one-on-one hallway conversations have always been hard for me to understand:

Me- *noise* Hey Ky!

Ky- *noise* Hey! How are you?

Me- *noise* I have math next, what do you have?

Ky- *noise*Ugh, I asked you how are you? But that works too! I have English.  Gotta go see you later *smile*

Me- What? Okay! Bye..

A lot of times I answer wrong. It’s embarrassing and I feel kind of dumb, but hey… I really can’t help it, which is also frustrating for me. It’s really hard to make eye contact when talking to people in the halls...I don’t want to run into anyone while walking! Eye contact is very important for me and being able to see their lips. I’ve kind of figured out how the read lips. If the teacher or my friend are standing still and I can see their lips and eyes, it makes a huge difference.

Group hallway conversations on the other hand just don’t work for me. I always stand outside of the “circle” and try hard to say something right or ask something, but that doesn’t work all the time. I pace from one part of the circle to the other trying to enter the conversation. I get ignored usually, or they will say “What?” and I’ll repeat but while I’m repeating they’re talking to someone else already. When I am the one saying “Never mind” It’s frustrating, but when someone else is telling me “Never mind” I just get so annoyed and angry inside. I feel like when other people say, “What?” They always repeat for them, but since I’m always asking I get ignored more. That’s why it makes me mad. So you can just forget group hallway conversations...They don’t work. Too much background noise, too many people trying to talk at once.

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Truth be told, I just don’t like the hallways. I try to get out of them as fast as I possibly can. I got to say, the quietest places in school are the library, my counselors office, and classrooms -- in that order. Trying to find those quiet places are impossible in my school.     

Getting To Know You (Is Hard..)!!

In this past week, I am starting to get to know two new girls my age. They are part of my schools field hockey program. With my APD it is hard for me to get to know people, but especially teenagers around my age, and especially the new girls. It has been a great experience getting to know them though, and it’s also been a little bit of a struggle because they have difficulty understanding as well.

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Let’s start with Jordan. (Jordan, if you can see this I’m glad you’re reading my blogs! –Hope you don’t mind me using this as one of my stories!) I knew Jordan was coming to join my school (not to mention field hockey team as well! Very exciting!!). She is from the Netherlands, and is an exchange student this year! She made the varsity field hockey team and I love getting to know her, but for both of us it’s hard to understand each other I feel. Jordan is coming from a different country, and I’m coming from a “world” not a lot of people understand. She speaks English very fluently, but with that said she hasn’t lived in the teenage ”world” here long enough so won’t understand things we might not understand if we were around teens in her country. (Did I say that right? I hope that made sense…) For example, the slang teenagers use. “Omg!” “Neuby” “LOL” –That kind of stuff. But anyways…Here I am at the table at our team dinner trying to engage in conversation, and trying to understand a slightly different way of speaking coming from my soon-to-be new friend Jordan. I say slightly because to me it’s a DRASTIC change! I’m used to trying to comprehend and understand the a thousand “likes” in one sentence. “Yeah, I like, really like it when they do that. It’s like really friendly of them”. –Kind of LIKE that ;-). Now I have to re-train my brain almost and focus a little more on other ways of speaking. I have taught myself to understand the American teenage speaking patterns. With Jordan, I’ll have to recognize the new pattern and switch gears. It’ll take a little time to recognize those patterns and terms she speaks with, but to me this is a good experience. Seems like a brain exercise… Recognizing different kinds of talking patterns.

Liza. This girl has spirit. She has dedication, too. She is also blind, but that doesn’t stop her from being a part of the field hockey team. Liza is our manager this year for our two field hockey teams. She will be taking stats for us and announcing at all the games. Since Liza cannot see, describing things clearly for her is very important. She likes to feel objects she can touch, too. Since field hockey isn’t very popular, she was very interested in our field hockey sticks. Liza even told us what note some of our sticks were in! She’s very blessed musically. Since I am the junior captain of the Varsity team, my coach wanted me to explain some field hockey rules to her. I almost CRIED when he said this. I had no idea how to explain any rules to her without using visual aids. I am a visual learner… Liza is an auditory learner 100%. Explaining things like this is almost impossible for me. I know exactly in my head what each rule is, and can explain it by using visual aids, but without visual aids I was lost. Here is my first explanation:

Me- There is a rule called “Third-Party”. This means you can’t…you can’t um try to take the ball away from 

the player with the ball when there’s um…another player on them”

Liza- What do you mean? What does “another player on them” mean?

Me- Um. What? Hold on let me try again…Okay so Third party is like when um..A player has the ball and they are dribbling—

Liza- What is dribbling?

Me- (I don’t know how to explain the word dribbling! OH I got it…) It’s when the player progresses the ball on the field by taping the ball forward. So the girl is tapping the ball down the field and the player from the other team tries to come and steal it. If another player comes in to take it—

Liza- What team is the other player on?

Me- What player?

Liza- The last player you are talking about.

Me- Oh that girl is trying to take the ball from the girl with the ball too. So right now there are two players trying to steal the ball from the girl with the ball. You can’t have 2 players trying to steal the ball at once. Only 1.

Liza- I think I get it…

Me- (Oh my goodness..That was hard. Phew. I don’t like explaining this. It’s too hard)

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So talking to Liza is going to be another gear changer for me. But this time, it’s learning how to SPEAK to her. While with Jordan it’s learning to LISTEN and understand her. – It’s going to be hard to connect with the new teammates, but in the end this will help me. I will have more practice explaining things and more practice understanding different speaking patterns. For now, it's going to be a mountain to climb! 

Music Is My "Easy" Button

Can you imagine a world without music? Can you imagine a world where the only noises would come from the natural earth, people talking and animals? No songs at baseball games. No ipods. No school dances, because there would be no music… Can you imagine? There would be MORE talking probably. Yuck. That’s not what a teenager with APD needs. Music is my “Easy” button.

You’re probably thinking… Wouldn't music be harder to understand with all the background instruments? Music is a challenge because of more sounds trying to be processed, but it’s still easier than talking. If I were to choose one person talking, verses a singer and 3 instruments going I’d choose the singer and 3 instruments. Here’s why:

1. People talk in ONE tone.  Take that person and multiply that by ten. 1 X 10 = 10. TEN people talking in ONE tone! Everything I try to process in this scenario becomes overlapped, miss understood, and sometimes it’s just a big old blob. It’s kind of like bees… You can see there are ten bees buzzing around. Can you pick out which buzz belongs to each of the bees? No.  BUT in music there are many different tones. The singer doesn’t sing in just ONE tone through the whole entire song. Singers use various numbers of pitches and tones. The instruments are very distinct from one another. You have a guitar, you have a piano, and you have a drum. Easy pEASY lemon squEASY! I’d be lost without music.

2. There are pauses in songs. The musical term for pauses is called breaths. The breaths allow me to process what is being sung during the pause in the song. Sometimes the pause is in the middle of a sentence. Sometimes it’s taken at the end. Either way, I have more time to process little amount of words during the breath. When we talk to each other, we can talk so fast sometimes without even thinking about the person listening. We’re kind of like an alarm clock.. We don’t know when to shut up, haha.   

3. Music has a beat or a pattern. The pattern is pretty consistent through songs. When we talk, there is no pattern because it’s always changing. We-don’t talk like-this. This-is-how we talk-to one another. Did you get confused? I did, and I’m the one who wrote it, haha. For me, the repetitive pattern of sounds in music helps my brain remember and understand the words and instruments in songs.

Now there is some music I like more than others. I don’t like rap or heavy metal. I like soft rock and modern country. I prefer quieter songs than loud songs. I prefer slower songs than faster songs.

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Overall music is my relief, and I enjoy every aspect of it. It's like ice cream... It's almost impossible to dislike. You just can't go wrong with it. It’s my Easy button and I'll keep pushing it for as long as I want and you cannot stop me!! =D 

Charades: Guess what I am? –Wait, I don’t even know.

If there is anything in the world I like to do, it’s definitely team bonding with my field hockey team. I’ve told you before how awesome the team is (including the coaches). Because our team is so close, we do a lot of team bonding. I lose track of conversation a lot of times, but today’s team bonding activity wasn’t JUST a conversation I struggled with:

The seniors on the team have been organizing a team scavenger hunt all around our small town, and today we had it! It was in total 3.5 miles, so we would run to each of the eight stations (which was the workout part). They split us up into groups of 5 (total of 36 girls).  

ANYWAYS, one station got to me. It was Charades…If you don’t know what charades is, it’s where you pick a “card” and have to act out without talking what you’re card says. Well, that was the easy part! Want to know the hard part? –I picked my card, and I didn’t know what it was… My card said, “Barbershop Quartet”. To myself I was thinking, ‘Okay, I know what a barbershop is. It’s a place you get your hair cut at. But what’s a quartet? –Should I just ignore that word and act out Barbershop? I’ll ask the senior (Rachel) running the station I guess…’ By the way, I usually try to avoid asking this in this kind of social environment where there’s a lot of people around. You’ll see why… So, I told Rachel I am having a “brain-fart” to add a little humor and pointed to the word for her to help. This is what she says, “Oh my gosh! Are you serious? Wow, you’re so stupid. That’s the easiest word. Hahaha. I can’t believe it – Okay just pick a new card *giggles* Wow”. While she was saying that I was just adding humor so it wasn’t awkward for me or anyone else. I was saying “Yeah I know haha” and “I’m just not the sharpest tool in the shed, like YOU are” and “Okay, give me an easier card already!” Even though I KNEW it wasn’t because I was stupid, a little chunk inside of me felt like I am (but those are just feelings!).

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So here I am giving you a perspective on how hard vocabulary and meanings of words can be for me. There will be many times throughout the day I’ll ask my mom and dad “What does that mean?” I don’t feel too comfortable asking in front of my teammates too much, but I figure I have to get over the “fear” sooner or later. I feel like they think I’m doing it to be funny, but I’m not. I just use humor to cover up the truth and awkwardness. Even when I’m just with one friend it can be awkward. I know what the response will be from them…It will be like Rachel’s response. The “Oh my gosh..” or “Haha, really?” –YES really! I have APD, I’m proud of it, but I also struggle from it (but you don’t know that). One word I don’t understand in a sentence while reading, while my teacher is talking, or anyone speaking to me will throw me off and I will not understand whatever it is they’re talking about. Vocabulary is not a strength for APDers, but if you practice and ask despite a little awkwardness it will only get better!     

Texting: A Break from All the Gibber-Gabber from Friends and Teachers!

Does everyone remember when texting was a new idea? Well, new for my mom and dad and for their generation. My former Spanish teacher calls it “writing with your thumbs”, haha. Texting has basically been around my whole life. I'm swarmed in it. If you don't have a phone today, you're about insane because that's the main source of communication.

In the teen world texting is everyone's best friend. You may think I’m just saying that because I’m a teenager, but in reality it’s also because I’m a teenager with Auditory Processing Disorder. Texting has opened the door tremendously for me. Why you ask?

Well for one, texting doesn’t require responding RIGHT on the spot.. That means I have time to process what I would like to say. Let me tell you, processing what I wish to say is VERY tiring. –In fact, I’m still thinking and analyzing things I said 30 minutes ago. Texting gives me a little break. I can think about what I’m going to type. When I talk, there’s no delete button. When I text there IS a delete button. I can rephrase and go back what I want to say.
 Also, in text messaging, it’s words pasted on the screen. Looking at a text message is 10 times less hard than hearing someone verbalize there words. I don’t have to say, “What?” or “Huh?” or “Sorry..Can you say that again please?”. I can just plain old read the screen as much as I want till I understand what has been said. (Yes, reading comprehension is hard, but text messages don’t have a lot of detail and not many big words to worry about.)
 Last, when I’m reading a message I don’t need to work as hard to block all the distractions out around me because there’s again no one verbalizing anything to me. When there is even one other noise and someone is trying to also verbalize something to me, I can easily get confused and mix up the noises.
 

I am MUCH better off sending emails to my teachers and receiving emails from my teachers than having them try to help me right after school while there are distractions from the hallways going on. 1. I can explain to them with a lot more time what I am having a hard time with and 2. They can give me a clear response without me stopping them being confused because of a distraction or because I didn’t process something correctly.

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So texting allows me to communicate to especially my friends and teachers when I need a break from the constant gibber-gabber! Means a lot to people like me with APD!

Getting Down to The Level of Little Kids

There are some people in the world who just don't like or understand little kids. It is kind of a little hurtful when you hear that, don't you think? Those people may not understand how little kids' minds work. They might not realize what they told a little kid is too complex for them to understand. They might not understand that little kids are not quite at the level as adults and teens. Well, if you haven't caught on yet APDers and I are very much those little kids. -- (I am not at all saying people with APD are not mature, and I am not at all saying we are stupid. Studies show people with APD become very mature and are very intelligent!) Sometimes people don't like or understand me or anyone with APD..Now does that sound hurtful?

I am VERY good with children. I haven't ever taken care of a child that had a problem with me, and I've never had a problem with any child. I think MOST APDers will have good experiences with being around children. Here are the reasons why I believe this:

1. I have trouble with wording things that I'm trying to express:
-Do little kids have trouble wording what they want to express? YES.
How is four year old little Johnny going to tell his mom the new game he played in school today? --For a young child, explaining things will not contain a lot of detail. It takes there growing minds a few seconds to remember how to play it.  Similarly, It will take me a moment to think, too. AND I will be very patient with little Johnny explaining the new game because I know it's hard to put things into words.

2. I have trouble understanding sentences that have a lot of detail:
-Do kids understand detailed sentences? NO.
Here is an example how an adult would talk vs. a child...
Adult: I have a strong urge to eat that cookie over there!
Child: I want the cookie
Here, the adult has used 7 more words than the child, included the more complex word "urge", and added extra words that are not necessarily important to the point.
The child on the other hand, used 7 less words than the adult, and got right to the point.

What I'm trying to explain is that it will take me longer to process the Adult's sentence than the Child's sentence. The extra words "strong, urge, to" are JUST being processed by the time the word "cookie" is said. BUT In the Child's sentence "I, want, the, cookie" have been processed more rapidly and is much easier to understand which allows me to understand children speaking and their explanations very well!

3. I can understand little kid communication because there are not many complex words getting in my way:
"I want mommy" "That boy is mean" "Let's go watch a movie" "Don't put dirt in my bucket! Dirt is yucky" There isn't much effort needed to figure out there clever communication. =D

I get it and can get down to their level and understand what they are talking about. I get it that it takes them time to figure out how to say things they want to. In return little kids love it!

Team Bonding -- Playing a Simple Game (Not that simple for me)

Well, I've only been awake for a good few hours, but have already experienced trouble with my APD. First off, I should let you know that my field hockey team is very including! No one ever gets left out of things and everyone is like family. Anyways... At 9am this morning, we all went for a run. Where we live, we live by a lake. We went on a patio that looks out at the water and decided to play a game. Has anyone ever played the game Therapist?

This is how you play:

-It's where one person is the 'Therapist" and everyone else are the "Clients" so to speak. 

-While the "Therapist" is off away from everyone else, the clients make up one silly problem they all have.

-In this case, our problem was we were scared of the word "the". 

-The Therapist's job is to ask us questions like, "How does this problem make you feel?"

-When we called her over, she asked us questions and tried to guess what our silly problem is. 

BUT

-Every time she said "THE" we would all have to scream! 

--It was really hard for me to pick up when she said "THE". Sometimes I heard "they are", "this", "torn" and many other words. I would scream when I thought I was processing the word "the", but really it was something else. Sometimes I didn't even make sense of what she was saying and everyone else screamed, but me. I stopped screaming and only screamed when everyone else did -- so I was just going along with everyone else. 

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So just a "simple" little game shows how my APD can affect me. I try concentrating so hard to understand one person talking..But even when I'm concentrating really hard, I still don't understand. I'm hearing lots of things..Birds chirping, dogs barking, the wind, boats going by, side conversations and giggles of my teammates, and last by not least my teammate (the "therapist") who I'm trying to make sense of first in this situation... Social situations are very hard for me. I feel left out ALL the time. 

Fact: APD has made me who I am Truth: It can be hard Lie: APD Is impossible to handle

First off I want to welcome and thank you all for taking the time to read my blog! Not only because It's my blog, but because whomever is reading this cares about APD, and/or wants to learn more. Let me tell you, you're in the right place! Hi, my name is Anna and I'm sixteen. I enjoy playing sports, being with my friends and family, babysitting kids and making them laugh and smile, photography, listening to music, talking to cute boys, going to the beach, and living life to the fullest. Oh and I'm also living with Auditory Processing Disorder everyday. We have five senses. 1. Seeing 2. Tasting 3. Feeling 4. Smelling 5. Hearing. Of those five senses, they are all perfectly normal. You ask me why hearing isn't an issue? APD does have the "auditory" in it which has to do with hearing. But what about the "processing"? Well, the processing part is the brain. My brain doesn't process all the a thousand things I hear. It's like when someone is half-sleeping. 1, or 4, or 10 people could be talking to them. They can hear everyone, but there brain isn't fully on. That is what I deal with on a daily basis. APD affects me when I'm trying to hear my coach from the sidelines during a game, listening to my friend(s) talk, listening to a cute boy talk to me, listening to my family at dinner, listening to the television, listening to music, and of course when I'm listening to my teacher and classmates in school. I'm not afraid of it, I'm willing to go the extra mile and overcome this long lasting challenge. I am here to tell you and answer any of your questions about APD. Please feel free to talk to/ask me anything! Thanks again to all of you who care! I'll be writing my next blog soon!